Sometimes it's not how you finish, but that you finished

July 29, 2012

When was the last time you were completely helpless?When you realized you’ve gotten yourself into a situation you physically couldn’t get out.

Last Saturday, I participated in the Mud Ninja, the second (and last) obstacle race for me this year. I had signed up in April, shortly after Brandon, a coworker, said he was going to do it. Brandon is a few years younger and a good deal stronger/more fit than I.

About a month ago, the e-mails from the race promoters started, trying to strike fear in the participants, mainly building a better sense of pride and accomplishment when crossing the finish line. I’ve seen them before and was used to the notion that their bark was worse than their bite. The common theme they kept throwing out there was, “better bring a friend 'cuz, you’ll never get past this on your own.”

As Brandon and I met up Saturday morning, we took a preliminary look over some of the 21 obstacles visible from the start/finish area. I have to admit that more than a little doubt crept into my psyche. Again, we heard the race sponsors announce that our motto is “you need to bring a friend, or make a friend to make through this course.“

Still, I tried to stay strong, until they introduced a professional obstacle racer, who completed the course “in just over 50 minutes.” Now, I was rattled. On an injured leg I completed the Warrior Dash in under 47 minutes, the real racers were under 30. I knew then, this was going to be tough. 

Soon it was our turn to take the starting line. The gun sounded and Brandon jetted out with the lead pack. I settled into my comfortable pace and headed thru the course. There were hills…a lot of hills. I was probably overly cautious, but I didn’t want to have another injury so early in the race.

About a mile or so in, after in-and-out of three different ponds; up-and-down at least four hills; we faced a climb up a hill which seemed to be about a quarter-mile long all on its own. Once finally at the top, there it was, the infamous wall. I no longer had confidence I could do it on my own, but sitting atop the left side was Brandon, waiting to make sure I made it over.

I helped boost a stranger who got there before I did and then tried myself. I got nowhere fast. I couldn’t even make it to Brandon’s outstretched hands.

I was so confident going in, but now I had failed. I tried to get lift from a different stranger, but slipped again. Finally, I was pushed up until I grabbed onto Brandon’s glove. My feet couldn’t get any traction, I felt completely helpless. As Brandon and another guy tried to pull me up, I hung my head feeling completely defeated. I gave up. I then heard Brandon yell, “Come on Kevin, climb!” I snapped out of my trance of self-defeat, awoke my inner fight, and together reached the top.

After another half mile and four more obstacles, Brandon and I faced another pit neither of us could escape alone. We both made it through, the way anyone would have drawn it up. Once atop the other side, Brandon and I helped several others, dropping our own standing in the race, but knowing without us they would have been stranded as well.

It’s no secret I was holding Brandon back throughout the rest of the race but still he stayed with me. As we approached the last set of obstacles and the finish line, Brandon tackled one after the next, jumping into ditches and climbing over mud hills. Once inside the last ditch I got to the final climb and got ready to grab onto someone’s hand but no one was there. I was alone.

I was puzzled, I couldn’t have passed Brandon, but I couldn’t see him at all. It took me a second to realize is that Brandon was already across the finish line. For a moment I couldn’t belive he’d leave me so close to the end. However, he knew what I needed to realize myself. Here, I didn’t need help, could to do it myself. I just needing to realize, it was my race to finish, not to have it handed to me.

The same lesson applies to a lot of the work Annette and I do with Nathan. Too many times when I ask Nathan to complete a task, I leave completely on his own, or if/when he fails of chooses not to try, I pick him up and we move on to where I want us to be.

A few weeks back he and I were in the basement and he saw my sit-up bench. I jumped on and did a set of 25 sit-ups. As he often does, Nathan laughed, not completely knowing what was going on, but in his eyes Dad was doing therapy!

I laid him back on the bench, where he grasped my thumb with his hands and he tried to do a sit-up. Tried, underestimates his effort. He engaged his core and flexed his abs. He only made it up about 1/3 of the way, and I think he expected me to pull him the rest of the way up…I wouldn’t. I kept him from sliding back but I made him finish what he started. I’d bark at him and when he realized it was encouragement and not scolding, he pushed on.

Once he reached the top, I set him back and we did it again. He did a set of 5, then I would do a set of 25. Nathan then moved back to the bench and I put him atop seeing if he really was motivated to do more work on his own. He tough-guyed up and did another set. I did a third set, and so did he, right behind me.

When I need motivation, I don’t have to look very far. When I’m not at work, I’m probably with Nathan. Knowing I have motivators in both locations makes life pretty good. The main lesson learned is that sometimes too much help can be worse than not giving any help at all. When you don’t try to push yourself, a lot of goals can slip from your grasp.

Just like so many other challenges parents face, finding the proper balance is obstacle facing us every single day. The wounds the Mud Ninja left on me, will be gone in a few weeks. The results of Nathan’s battles will help shape him to be the guy he is to become.

Note: There will be no photos of Nathan with my medal for this race, as the participation award is a throwing star on a ribbon. I may not be the best dad in the world, but I'm not posting photos online of my son playing with legal weapons.