Don't say what you don't want me to hear

April 22, 2012

It’s no secret that Nathan knows more than what most people think. We’ve learned that he takes in what’s going on, among all of his senses. Although he doesn’t speak, he is gaining communication skills and making a bigger impact day-after-day and week-after-week.

Annette and I have to juggle our schedules on a daily basis. One of us typically drops Nathan off and the other picks him up. Many times he’s a lot easier to manage than all of his equipment. Nathan’s push chair pretty much always stays in Annette’s car. It’s used for OT, and speech group – doctors appointments and anywhere else.

The walker gets moved around a whole lot more. Typically it’s in and out of my car for church, then stays until Tuesday when I drop him off at school. Then it stays with Annette until the end of the week, when I move it from her car to mine, just in time for church again.

Now that the weather is getting warmer (generally) and the sunlight is lasting longer into the evening, the longing for time outside grows as well. If Nathan has any energy left at the end of the day, he uses it outside (or trying to get outside.) As I pick up Nathan from the babysitter’s I always hope for the door to be open. If the door’s open I know that Nathan is peering from the other end of the hallway, looking through the gate waiting for someone to arrive. He does his best creeping trying to get to the door before the sitter does, and I give him a few seconds head start before I knock.

Once we get home, the pleading starts, pointing towards the door, fussing non-stop, any other antic he can try to whip up to get his way. I decided to tell the truth and say, the walker is in Mom’s car. “We can’t do it until mom get’s home.” He seemed to stop, almost like he understood. We started playing again, watched some tv and when Annette came home he gave her the biggest grin. Stupid me, I didn’t put the two together, and Annette didn’t know what I had said.

A little while later as Annette was fixing dinner, I asked Nathan if he was ready to go outside. He jumped at the thought, I got the walker out of Annette’s car and got it set up. I took Nathan outside, and got him in the walker and got set for a walk. Instead he just stood there, drooped over. I couldn’t believe how much he wanted to go outside and then…nothing. Then Annette came outside and off he went. I said, “we can’t do it until Mom comes home.” Apparently that meant waiting for Mom to go for a walk.

Just to make sure, I tried one more test. Over the weekend, Annette’s mom and sister were here. They were helping sort some clothes for an upcoming garage sale, and I put Nathan in the walker, inside the house. He had moved past me and all I could see was his back. He was trying to prod the others in the room and I could tell he was getting in their way. I asked him, “Hey Nathan, wanna go outside?” He started jumping and bouncing, I could only imagine the smile on his face.

It was on that walk that Annette chose to take a new route, try to keep him motivated. She thought it would be the same distance as the trip around the block. It ends up that it’s a good deal longer, however, he still worked hard and made it the whole way. According to my iPhone pedometer app, he made it .7 miles.

So, lesson learned. First, Annette’s sense of direction is a good as any male’s. Second, Nathan may not be able to repeat our secrets, but that’s not to say that he doesn’t hear and understand them. I have to make sure that my words match my deeds, and make sure he only hears the words that can lift him up. Not that it was okay to ever say otherwise before, but now I know that the walls have ears. I just hope he hears it every time I say I love him.

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