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Stronger Every Day It wasn't long ago, he didn't have the leg strength to walk to the car after school. Now he carries his own bookbag and 10 pound bag for his communication device.

Room for improvement

May 8, 2011

It’s really no comfort to a parent to hear the slim odds of having a child with special needs. I almost compare it to the one short story I remember from high school, The Lottery. Sometimes I can’t help but wonder “why me?” Not in a sense of feeling sorry for myself, or thinking that I deserve better, but wondering if things would have been better for Nathan if he had a Dad with the important traits that I lack.

Trait number one, patience. I’ve never been a patient person. I’m one willing to “pay my dues” on my way to my goal, but sitting idle has never been my style. Too many times, if someone takes too long to do a task I can do in a few seconds, I’ve been known to take over to get the job done more quickly. Deal with Nathan on things like eating, drinking or trying new skills, if he struggles or lacks motivation I know I’m quick to move on, or do a task for him.

It’s not unusual for me to think, would he already have learned the skill if he worked with someone more patient that I, but inevitably when it comes time to try again, we still end up with the same result.

Trait two, stubbornness. Many times if I find something that works, regardless of the task at hand, I resort to the path of least resistance. In my mind, I justify it by saying kids work better with routines and repetitive tasks. When asked by a new speech therapist, why I always hold Nathan to get him to drink, the only excuse I could muster was to say, because it’s worked and nothing else has. This weekend, I tried giving Nathan his cup in his chair (reclined back) and the results were better then they had been for a long time. Without trying something new, progress may never progress.

Trait three, being Dad. I’ve never been good with discipline, which hindered my managerial career. I always thought that having a child would force me to learn how to give tough love. Not that it ever proved successful in the workplace, but if Nathan threatens to give me “the lip” more often than not we come to a quick consensus, probably with me giving in more than him. I have learned how to walk away from a situation rather than getting angry, however (going back to trait number one) if I was someone with more patience, we wouldn’t be in this situation.

I’ve never seen myself as being a teacher, looking over all the little things that good parents do. Identifying “learning opportunities” and always helping their child learn. I’ve never been one to sit and read books, and I know it’s something that Nathan has lacked, and I’m grateful that one of his favorite babysitters does with him.

I’ve sometimes thought that if Nathan didn’t have the needs he does my parenting skills would be even worse. Again, not taking the time to read with him, talking through our driving trips, (i.e. red light means stop, green means go) having fun at the zoo, (I’ve never been a big animal person) or find ways to do more of the things that other kids do.

That being said, I’m all the more grateful to those in our lives who fill in the gaps of my shortcomings. Nathan’s wonderful teachers, therapists, friends, aunts and uncles, church members, babysitters and everyone else who finds ways to make his day-to-day learning opportunities a reality.

Of course, there is one person I’ve left out until now, my wonderful wife and great Mom, Annette. We’re not perfect, but she really does make both of our lives so much better and moving forward. I always have to laugh a little when she says, “If you don’t stop me filling his schedule up with more opportunities and activities, I’m going to keep on doing it.” As much time as I think he sometimes needs to just be a kid and relax, I know he wouldn’t be where he is today without her.

As this Mother’s Day comes to a close, I want to say thanks to her for always keeping us striving for better things. God has a plan for all of us, and thanks to her, we’ll keep on track finding out what that is. Growing bigger and stronger, both mentally and physically we’ll get to where we need to be, and surprise a lot of people along the way.

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