Pre-separation anxiety!

May 1, 2011

Years before Nathan was born, long before Annette and I got married and even before we started dating, a group of our friends have held an annual trip, one which we look forward to every year. Last year I wrote about the trip and my battle with the hill. It was the only year I’d gone without Annette, and now the trip is a little over a month away.

Because Annette took her trip to Uganda, I went on this trip on my own, the only time I’ve been away from Nathan for 40 hours, in over three years. Knowing he was in Annette’s care, made my time away tolerable. Still when word came that he was sick and was having possible seizures, made my mind still looking forward to coming home.

This year Annette and I are planning on going together, and the planning has been difficult wondering how many of the four day trip, we’ll try to get away. We’re currently looking at the final two days of the trip, but after the story Annette told me this week, will make that time seem a lot longer.

After the water we had in our basement several weeks, Annette and I decided now is the time to do the upgrades we’ve been putting off since we moved in almost 10 years ago. With a great deal of help from my dad, we’ve made improvements, installing outlets, reframing and rebuilding a section of our drop-ceiling. This past week, we had another work session, meaning Nathan stays upstairs with Annette while dad and grandpa disappear for long periods of time.

As the evening rolled into night, Annette gave him his medicine, and got his pajamas on She then brought Nathan down to say good night. He was excited to come down to the basement as without all the toys and things he’s used to seeing down there. Annette then took him back up, put him in bed and said prayers.

All the while, Nathan would strain his neck trying to look out the door, thinking that Dad would be coming soon. It’s true, I’m normally the last person he sees every night, the first person he sees in the morning, and many times, the one who comes in the middle of the night should he have issues. Annette, is usually the one he likes to snuggle with if he’s not supposed to get out of bed, but needs to fall asleep. This night, it just wasn’t good enough.

Annette shared that when I didn’t show up, he wouldn’t settle down and started getting upset. She brought him back to the family room, where he started feeling better, thinking he would stay up until he got a chance to see me. I wasn’t aware of any of this until after the fact, but it only took about 10 minutes for him to fall asleep. Annette carried him upstairs and put him in bed where he slept through the night.

In the morning, I could hear noises from his bedroom, knowing he was ready to get up. I crossed the threshold into his room and thought he was going to jump right out of bed. It’s always a good day to see him smiling first thing, but now knowing how much he was missing me, makes the greeting even more special.

Now comes the thinking of the annual trip. The plan is, for Annette’s mom and sister to look after Nathan while we’re gone. We both have complete trust and faith in both to keep him safe, but if they also have to battle him missing us (both at the same time,) it’s almost unfair to put anyone in that situation.

It’s true, that when I was still working, I didn’t think twice about leaving for a trip. Annette learned of Nathan’s PMG diagnosis while I was in Salt Lake City. We will only be gone for a short period of time. I could count the minutes if I wanted to. It makes me even more grateful for those families who have loved ones (especially parents) serving in the military, being gone for months, if not years at a time.

We do have to take time for ourselves on occasion, but the coming home will always remain a blessing. It a lesson I have to undergo myself, but in the end, I think we’ll all be stronger and love our time together even more.

Back to previous postings