Worst magic trick ever

July 18, 2010

People are still asking me how Nathan is handling Annette not being around. I tend to reply the standard way, “We’re getting by. He’s acting a little different like things aren’t right, but handling it pretty well nonetheless.”

Thinking about the question a little more I thought about studying the answer further as well. Nathan seems to take after me with the “roll with the punches” outlook. We don’t have to be happy about what goes on, but we try to make it seem like nothing’s wrong. I do now think that Nathan has a subliminal routine and if it’s true, knowing how to combat it may help to make future separations easier for all involved.

When I was gone for my two-day trip, Annette wasn’t able to have fun with Nathan because he got sick. The first couple of days Annette was gone, similar symptoms were present. Somehow in his mind, someone has disappeared and he’s not happy about it. Enough so that he physically makes himself sick. After a couple of days acceptance settles in, and as long as everyone stays on top of his meds, therapies, routines, things return closer to normal.

I did notice one other new change in him the last two weeks. Nathan no longer wants toys in the car as much as he used to. He pays a lot great attention to where the car is going and in many cases, can figure it out with certain exits off the freeway, certain turns on major roads and different driveways and neighborhoods. One intersection he seems to know well is one only three blocks away from the house. If we turn left, we’re going to the grocery store, if we go right we go to many other places, but if we go straight, we’re going to church. Nathan loves going to church to see all of his friends, or at least he did until a couple of weeks ago. The last two Sundays there has been no excitement, no squeals, and no emotion as we pull into the parking lot.

Church was the beginning of the end for Mom. Everyone met at church then headed out to the airport. Not only was it the last time he saw Annette, but the friends who sit in the pew in front of us and Nathan’s favorite nursery worker, (all went on the trip to Uganda.) Today there was a distinct silence driving the last few blocks to the building, and very little excitement inside.

This week Nathan and I stopped again at my parents’ house after equine therapy as they wanted us to get dinner there, and a chance to say “hi.” Last week we stopped off at my brother and sister-in-law’s before my parents, and proceeded in the normal route to grandma and grandpa’s house. This week it was a straight shot, but a route we had never traveled before. Somehow, Nathan still recognized the style of houses, the neighborhood, and the squeals and excitement radiated from the backseat until we got in the driveway.

The problem was my parents had another meeting to go to and would only get to see us for a few minutes. I figured Nathan would still be excited and all would be well. When they left there was much sadness. More people disappeared, and this time right from their own house. After I could get him settled, I had to pack all of out things back in the car. I put Nathan in front of the TV (in the air conditioned house) and packed up the car. I was only outside for less than two minutes, but when I returned, I could hear bawling before I reached the front door. He was afraid I had disappeared too.

I often wonder if part of the reason Nathan hasn’t been sleeping well lately is that he’s afraid someone won’t be there when he wakes up. He’s always had great smiles in the morning the first time he sees Annette or myself. Now that reassurance seems to be the jumpstart to having a good day.

I’m curious to see what happens this week when we return to the scene of the crime, heading back to the airport. I’m not going to be prepping him too much, just in case there’s some type of delay, as that’s one tease I don’t want to put him through. Once the best things/people in life start reappearing, hopefully there will be a return to normalcy.

Of all the wild animals and things Annette will see on her African safari day this week, I don’t think that there will ever be a little tiger more excited to see her than Friday night. Better than pulling any rabbit out of a hat, making Mom reappear will be the high point of the summer.

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