When half means a whole lot more

July 11, 2010

As many of you know, Annette started her trip to Uganda this past Monday. We got to spend a good weekend together as a family and then at 5 p.m. we saw her off along with the whole 10 person team.

The first question everyone asks (normally in a quiet voice as not to bring up a sensitive subject) is “How is Nathan handling M-o-m being gone?” I think he does notice and he’s back in over-protective mode when I’m not in eyesight. He’s just waiting and if I’m in another room for longer than he’s comfortable there is a bit of nerves.

We’ve done almost all of the same things we do every week: school, therapies, even a doctor visit (botox shots.) Wednesday his class had the annual summertime field trip to Graeter’s Ice Cream. They take the tour, watch it being made, then get to sample it themselves. The funniest part is, none of that is the kids’ favorite part. There’s a room with a banana see-saw, oversize ice-cream cone, jungle gym and slides that the kids have the best part of the day.

Nathan loved it, it actually was motivation for him to try to crawl, chasing the other kids running around. He would turn himself around on his belly, then wiggle all of his body inching forward little bits at a time. Over the course of five minutes or so he had moved around six feet, but put in the effort to have gone 60. There was the sense of many to help him out for how bad he wanted to move, but the same hesitation as to encourage him to move on his own.

With no real weekend plans, and utilizing some babysitting time, I moved all of the toys, furniture and therapy equipment out of the family room to shampoo the carpets. With the way Nathan still drools and as much time he spends on the floor, it was in need of some major cleaning. Nathan isn’t a fan of the vacuum or the deep cleaner, but if I was in control, and showing him there was nothing to fear, he would contain himself. The same little guy who barely flinched when getting four shots this week thought about turning down his lip for machines pointed in the opposite direction.

Nathan was tucked between the sofa and loveseat (sitting in his Rifton chair) watching as I blocked his view of the TV that he could see, but not hear for two hours. Alas, I think the effort was worth it and I hope that it will be a pleasant welcome home to Annette, providing we can keep it clean the next 11 days.

There’s no doubt that Annette is missed by both of us, but it does lead me to think about the stat of how many parents of special-need families end up divorced. I often think about times like this is holding my breath, but knowing that the surface is still within reach. I’ve normally taken the attitude of surviving rather trying to prosper. This time it’s a little different as 18 days is too long, in our opinion to go without progress.

It’s amazing to me how many people have checked-in on me. I’m not complaining, but I do think about some of the single mothers that I know of and wonder if they get the same type of support I’m being shown. Some people talk about having half of the food to prepare, half the laundry, have of the trash, the difference is having to do the whole thing yourself.

For those wondering, I haven’t had a single fast-food meal in the past week. We had leftover pizza from lunch the day Annette left, I had for one meal, but other than that, I’ve been fixing my meals the same way I’ve prepared Nathan’s. Granted, Annette made sure I had plenty of food in the house, and my parents had me over for one lunch and one dinner, and send home some food that Nathan’s been enjoying since.

My “performance” while Annette has been away is nothing to boast. It’s not something I want to do on a full-time basis, and there are probably things I haven’t done completely correct, and some things I’m probably forgetting about. Nathan is healthy, he’s getting fed and I have to believe has gained back the weight he lost when he was sick. He’s been a very good boy and makes my job as easy as any guy could ask. If still doesn’t mean we’ll welcome Annette home as quick as the trip allows, but wanting her to have time for all her great memories as well.

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