Under the influence

May 16, 2010

I have to admit that my parenting style would be different if Nathan was a typical able-bodied kid. I’ll hand Nathan a toy "unsafe for small children" but since he doesn’t bring anything to his mouth, I don't panic about him choking. Annette and I watch shows like Bones, Law & Order or Private Practice and don't worry about what a particular word mean or what’s going on in a steamy scene. I can tell him where I hide mom’s presents or tell silly secrets knowing he’ll never spill the beans to anyone.

To my credit, I do maintain some standards and try to set some good examples. I do listen to the Christian radio station, make sure that the family’s church attendance stays on track. I try to make sure we do things for him, and always try to make sure he sees the positive things in our family unit.

We have many silly little routines, songs, dances and such, many of which correspond to his cartoons or other things on TV. Many of these things we’ve seen so many times, I can recite all of the words or can recognize an episode within a matter of seconds. Together, he always waits for my response, often getting excitement with anticipation or disappointment if I miss something once in a while.

This week’s little a-ha moment came while I was upstairs and he was watching TV with Annette in the family room. In between his cartoons came a snippet from Blue’s Clues. It starts with a simple little song when they get a letter. The lyrics are about what you would expect for little kids, “Here’s the mail. It never fails. It makes me want to wag my tail. When it comes I want to wail, MAIL!” The last word always being sung in a dramatically wailing voice. And yes, I can be dramatic. The sound of it has sometimes in the past scared him, but now he knows what to expect.

This time, the song came on but was I wasn’t there. He heard it, and giggled a little in anticipation, but without Dad around, where was the big ending? Not wanting the tradition to go unfulfilled, he finished it himself. When the last word came around he belted out one of his vocalizations, which if only to him said “MAIL!” making the song complete. Annette got a chuckle out of the whole thing right about the time I headed downstairs. Annette had told me what I missed to but just to see, I grabbed the remote and hit rewind to the start of the song again. Nathan didn’t see me come down but he had another chance to sing, and sing he did.

He belted out his last word, and this time I joined in. Finally seeing (and hearing) me he lifted his head up and gave me a big grin knowing we had shared yet another silly moment together. He giggled and I played with him until his next show came on. I started to get things together for him for bedtime, which is what the rest of the snippet is about.

That little moment really reminded me that I do have a great influence on him, even in the simple things in life. Every moment is an opportunity to teach and many times to learn as well. I try not to take things for granted anymore, to take moments off or let myself get lax for what I think he does or doesn’t understand. He may not show it, or he may not show it today, but it is a daily reminder that there is a lot more going on in that mind than we often give him credit.

Whether we like it or not, we are all teachers and others see what we’re doing. It can influence what they think, how they act or shape the person they will become. I hope to always be a positive influence, to remind those around me that life is a little better when we can laugh and share good times. I may never be on a kid’s television show (and I’m not sure I’d want to) but at least to one little guy I’ll always be a star.

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