A father-to-be's look at pregnancy

Sept. 14, 2009

Looking at the older pictures of Nathan and me on the header of the site (the current football picture is back from January 2008) made me think all the way back to the beginning, actually before the beginning. Regardless of what anyone says, weddings and pregnancy are all about the woman. People may try to make the guy feel included and some guys just have the attitude of ‘tell me when and where to show up and I’ll be there.’

I remember people asking me whether I wanted a boy or girl, and time-after-time I would retort with the age old politically correct response, ‘it doesn’t matter as long as it’s healthy.’ I realize that couples having a child always want the best, but I can’t think of a response less PC than that. Sure, in my mind I wanted a boy, not that I wouldn’t have loved a girl, but why is it better to not say that, than to know you’ll love your blessing unconditionally.

In our case, we wouldn’t formally know that anything was truly unhealthy with Nathan for almost six months. After receiving his diagnosis, was he really any different than he was the day before? No. Would more love make it go away, or make it any easier? Again, the answer is no. Did I love him any less once we found out, absolutely not. Can I say I loved him even more? No. I couldn’t imagine loving him any more than I have every day of his life.

The initial reason I wanted a boy, was I was afraid if I had a girl, she’d somehow break easier. I have always been (and continue to be) the uncle that picks up the kids, tickles them relentlessly, wrestles with them, but then gives them back at the end of the night. Boy do my siblings love that. With my child, he/she’d be stuck with me for the whole day, everyday, no where to escape. How could anyone put up with that? Somehow I figured a boy would sooner or later put me back in my place, to let me know that enough was enough.

Oh the stories my son would tell, if he could, about "being stuck", "getting squished", tickled, nibbled on, or rolled around by his ankles. Now he even tries to squish me, especially when he doesn't want to go to bed. He loves every moment with his dad and how could I not feel the same about him. I’m embarrassed to think that I ever said I only wanted him to be healthy, because knowing what I know now, I wouldn’t want him any other way.

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